Starting Nine for the Ghoulville Goblins and Their Nutshell (and we DO mean nut-shell) Scouting Reports – A Halloween Fugue into Fantasy:
MORE ON Pitcher Bela “Count Dracula” Lugosi: Only available for night games; often sucks; and sometimes, when he gets knocked of the box, he really gets knocked out of the box!
MORE ON Catcher Rosie “League of Her Own Mind” O’Donnell: As a self-absorbed center of the universe, Rosie tends to only bat when she feels like it – and that happens often out of turn.
MORE ON 1st Baseman Boris “The Frankenstein Creature” Karloff: Not much speed afoot, but all of his homers are monster shots.
MORE ON 2nd Baseman Forrest “Spook” Jacobs: (MLB, 1954-56: A friendly ghost off the field, Spook plays with an unworldly ability to get on base and haunt pitchers and catchers as a base runner.
MORE ON 3rd Baseman Alex “The Mummy” Rodriguez: Next to Rosie, Alex is more wrapped up in himself than any other member of the team.
MORE ON a Shortstop known as The Blob: No person here – just the sticky living substance that fell to Earth in 1958 from outer space. No ground balls get past this shortstop, but infield teammates have to be careful not to follow high pop flies into his area. The Blob also makes it tough on runners going from 2nd to 3rd base, with many cries of fielder interference. The Commissioner is considering a ban or serious restriction on the game use of The Blob, but he doesn’t want to come off like a rank “substanist” when it comes to using extra-terrestrial chemical compounds as actual fielders , so, he’s taking his time. Look for The Blob to be in uniform today for the Ghoulville Goblins.
MUCH MORE ON Left Fielder Lou “The Mad Russian” Novikoff: Lou acquired his nickname early for his eccentric personality. Later, at Houston, he came close to acquiring a second slang identity as “When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go.” In Warren Brown’s post-1945 history of the Cubs, he describes Novikoff as having been a defensive liability for Chicago because of his aversion to the ivied walls at Wrigley Field. Lou believed that the vines might affect him like poison ivy, if he made contact with them. Cubs trainer Bob Lewis tried to break Lou’s fears by taking him out to the walls at practice and rubbing the vine leaves all over his body – and even chewing and eating some of them in good spirits. The trainer’s idea worked. Lou dropped his fear of the ivy immediately, but he saw the happiness that Lewis seemed to derive from eating the plants and wanted to know: “Is it OK to smoke them too?”
A LOT MORE ON Center Fielder Kevin “The Pod Man” McCarthy: Prior to his playing days, Kevin was a gregarious, well-liked young country doctor who lamented the loss of his own baseball career due to bad knees. Then, one memorable night, a mysterious visitor sneaked into his house and left a watermelon-sized, equally enigmatic seed pod from another world under Kevin’s bed. While McCarthy slept, the seed pod began to morph into a new physical impression of him. By wake up time the next morning, the seed pod had completely transformed, DNA and all, into an exact replica of Kevin McCarthy and it had replaced the sleeping body of the original subject. The latter body simply disappeared, as these things conveniently do in low budget movies. – The Kevin that awoke seemed essentially the same in physical form, with two big exceptions: he no longer had knee problems, but he now had baseball abilities that would have made a combination player of Willie Mays and Babe Ruth envious. On the mental side, he sadly had lost all affability and feeling of love or concern for others, especially for those who had been his patients. His only motivation in life now was to play baseball and to “win, baby, win!” Some began to describe him as baseball’s version of the NFL’s late Al Davis. – It was a trade-off acquisition for the Goblins when Kevin joined the team early this season. Kevin does not care to hear what’s going on with his teammates, nor does he do tit-for-tat jokes with them as he had as a pre-pod days, high-spirited fan. He simply plays center field like the Tasmanian Devil. His family plans to seek a cure for his new personality issues, but only after the horrific season of the Ghoulville Goblins has been played to an end through Kevin’s last big league pay check and bonus pay opportunity.
MORE ON World Series Champion and Spirited Right Fielder Hunter “The Giant” Pence: The Goblins tried to sign the real giant from the “Jack and the Beanstalk” tale, but had to settle for the right fielder from the new World Series Champion San Francisco Giants. Hunter now has two World Series rings with the 2012 and 2014 Giants, but his sizzling bat in the just concluded Series with the Royals is only exceeded by his hot pursuit of more uniform sock exposure until he succeeds in becoming the first big leaguer apparently to suit up in short shorts and leotards. – Now there’s a picture for the mind, but welcome to the Goblins, anyway, Mr. Pence. You are due a monster shout-out for all the success in baseball you have enjoyed since the Astros traded you away for being projected as over-ripe in age by the time the club reteaches their outer limits year of 2017 for winning a first World Series.
POSTMORTEM THOUGHTS ON THE FACT THAT HALLOWEEN AND HOUSTON BOTH START WITH THE LETTER “H”: Maybe the real horror question here is not so much our Halloween Starting Position Lineup for the Ghoulville Ghosts, but how well are the Houston Astros doing on their time-scheduled way to scientific resurrection from the dead as a serious contender to be? As Astro fans, we are hoping for the best, but we cannot guarantee our patience forever in waiting for our club’s brightest farm club talent to ripen into a crop of superior MLB material.
Hurry Up and Ripen the Talent Inside Those Orange and Black Uniforms, Astros! ~ And to the Houston Astros, the Ghoulville Goblins – And Everybody Else Too ………….>